What should have been

Yesterday was two weeks since what was to be our embryo transfer.

Which means that yesterday was the day I was supposed to have a pregnancy test to see if our IVF attempt was successful.

I thought that getting past yesterday would have brought some closure to the whole thing, but it hasn't.....well not yet anyway.

I can't stop thinking that I should have spent the last two week worried about the food I was eating and if it were pregnancy friendly, over analysing ever symptom I thought I had and waiting for yesterday to come with mixed emotions of anticipation, excitement and fear.

Instead I've been able to eat and do whatever I wanted, I didn't have to worry if it was pregnancy friendly, I could have got drunk, gone sky diving or done whatever I wanted.

I cant' tell you how much I would have given to have been constantly worried about everything I was doing everyday rather than spending the last two weeks in tears about what could and should have been.


We still haven't gone back to see our specialist to find out if there are any answers as to what went wrong.
I guess we should probably do that soon, better to get it over and done with than to keep waiting.


Not sure when we will be ready to do this all again (both financially and emotionally) maybe having a few months break will be a good idea....let us get back to finding out who we are as people, parents, husband and wife and not just always being the infertile couple.