Black Panther Syndrom

This is just a bit of a random post about something I've been thinking about lately.

It's really hard to explain the pain of secondary infertility.

Yes, we already have a child but wanting for and crying because we don't have another doesn't mean we are taking Jakson for granted.

It also doesn't mean that our pain is any less intense or any more for that matter. 


Secondary infertility is a very different pain from first time infertility, but no matter what the circumstances are, I would never wish infertility on anyone.

Yes, I have a child to look at and love. I have a child to make me smile and laugh. I have a child and I feel eternally blessed for him.
But I also have a child that I have to explain this too, a child who watches me cry everyday, inject myself with horrible drugs, a child whose mum didn't get to go to his Mothers Day lunch at kinder because I had a fertility appointment. And I have a child who watched me get so sick from the drugs he thought I was dying :(

When things go bad, we can't run away. Johnny and I can't just go away for the weekend when things don't work out, we have to continue being parents and putting on as brave a face as possible for Jakson.

For every appointment we have to not only try to work around our personal and work schedules but also the schedule of being a parent. It was only a couple weeks ago that I had to take Jakson with me while I had an internal examination...not something I wanted to do at all.


I would never ever think that my pain is worse than any others, I don't think it is something that can be compared.
The pain I am feeling this time is very different to last time (we also went though infertility when trying for Jakson) there are different feelings, circumstances and obstacles.


Most people have no idea what we went through the first time, it's not something we talked about openly.
In fact, we were pretty much the opposite of how open we are this time.

The pain of infertility is like nothing else, the fear, the self doubt, the hatred you can feel for yourself is something that no one could understand unless they have been there.

Nothing will ever compare to the first time of going through it, and I would never try to compare our struggle with secondary infertility with someone going through it for their first....it's the same journey but with very different paths. 


I feel totally ripped off that we have had to go through this twice :( it's really not fair.




I think sometimes people have a bit of a case of  'black panther syndrom'...you know, where no matter what you have, they have it bigger and better or much worse than you do.
You have a black cat, they have a black panther! you know what I'm talking about - we all have people like that in our lives ;)

I can understand people doing it about good things, I have a better car, house, job etc...it makes them feel better.
But when people do it about pain and heartache, I just don't get it :(

Why do they need to try and measure and compare it....there are no winners