When to tell?

****** I want to start off by saying that this post talks about a very sensitive topic, miscarriage ******


We could be starting IVF as early as this week!

The closer it gets the more questions it has brought up between Johnny and myself and one of the biggest ones is if we do have a successful cycle, when do we tell people?

I know it is very common to with until the 12 week mark to make the announcement and that was our intention when we had Jakson however sever morning sickness (or all day sickness) meant the excuse of 'I have the flu' or 'just not feeling well' didn't cut it and we had to tell everyone our good news.

One of the reasons I wanted to wait until the 12 weeks mark with Jakson was because miscarriage is very common in my family. It's something you never want to think about but something that had fear run through me right throughout the pregnancy.
At about the 11 week mark of my pregnancy I thought my fears had come true when on Christmas Eve 2004 I was at my mother in laws house and suddenly felt very wet.
I went to the toilet and have never seen so much blood, my underwear and pants were soaked in blood.
We went straight to emergency and being Christmas Eve, there wasn't much they could do for us.
They had a very old ultrasound machine, so old that they had to keep tapping the screen to stop it cutting out!
We were very lucky that we got to see our baby and know he was ok.
But for every day for the rest of my pregnancy I bleed, some days it was only small and others bigger but each and every day there was blood.
I was never given a reason, they eventually told us that it was probably coming from behind the placenta but nothing to worry about as the baby always seemed fine.

That moment on Christmas Eve will stay with me forever, that feeling of complete and utter fear, that feeling of the not knowing if everything was ok or not...that feeling will never leave me.
I feel truly blessed that we got to go on and have a healthy baby at full term, many others are not so lucky and my heart goes out to them.


I will admit that I was very uninformed about miscarriage, I thought if you got past those first few weeks you were pretty much safe, get past 12 weeks and it should all be easy sailing but I was very wrong.
Over the past two and a half years my eyes have been opened very wide to the fact that there is no safe time in pregnancy, tragedy can strike at any time :(

So this brings me back to the question that we have been asking ourselves, when do we tell people?
Do we wait for the traditional safe 12 week announcement or do we share our joy with those that have given us unconditional support and love during our struggles?
If we tell people than of course, we need to tell Jakson.
But what if the unimaginable happens and we than have to tell Jakson that his baby brother or sister is no longer with us?

I have seen many beautiful couples that have had to make that announcement where they tell people their baby is no longer with them and for each and every announcement like that that I have heard, my heart has broken :( I have shed many tears for these people and wished I could take their pain away.

So what does it come down to for us?
I think it is that there really is no safe time to wait, and that if we do have to break that heartbreaking news to Jakson and family/friends than just to hope it will just be another challenge we have to face and hope it makes us stronger.



We have had so much support from people, I just don't know if I could hold out when we do get that amazing news that we are pregnant.
In a way I feel that I owe it to everyone who has read this blog, taken time to send us messages or gifts, wished us good luck or given advice and just for all of those who have been apart of this journey we are on.



Whatever we decide, you can be assured that when we do announce we are pregnant it will be a big announcement ;)