Advice

I guess as with most life changing events, buying a car, house, changing jobs etc...as soon as you tell people around you there is advice being given to you from every direction.

I think with infertility it is different though, we are not at the start of our journey. Not like when you tell people you are buying a house or looking for a new job, normally these things are shared when you are first starting it.

We have been trying to fall pregnant for three very long and hard years.
In that time we have had countless invasive tests and procedures, looked at a lot of different literature on tips, advice, and scientific research into what we can do to help.

One of the hardest parts of all of this is the advice we keep getting from people.
While we understand that it is said with the best of intentions, being told to 'just relax and stop thinking about it' 'have more sex' 'are you doing it right?' etc...does not help at all.
Relaxation does not cause pregnancy, having more sex will not help if there are medical issues preventing us falling pregnant, and as for 'are you doing it right?' well I'm pretty sure we know what we are doing ;)

It is really hard to put on that 'I'm ok' face when people give us advice, when really I just want to be able to say 'shut up, I don't want to hear it'
That probably sounds really rude and horrible but it's the absolute honest truth.

I don't need advice, I have that from all the doctors and specialist we see.
What I need to hear is that is sucks! plain and simple, just tell me that it sucks and you wish we didn't have to go through it.
I don't want to hear promises you can't keep like 'I know it will happen for you, I just know it' because you don't know it, you hope it will but you don't know it will....none of us do. We have to be prepared for the fact that it may not happen, and that is a frightening thought, but one we do need to prepare for.

I read a poem not long ago that really sums up all the advice we get given and how hard it is to hear:
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Useful Advice

You're 37? Don't you think that maybe
It's time you settled down and had a baby?
No wine? Does this mean happy news? I knew it!
Hey, are you sure you two know how to do it?
All Dennis has to do is look at me
And I'm knocked up. Some things aren't meant to be.
It's sad, but try to see this as God's will.
I've heard that sometimes when you take the Pill--
A friend of mine got pregnant when she stopped
Working so hard. Why don't you two adopt?
You'll have one of your own then, like my niece.
At work I heard about this herb from Greece--
My sister swears by dong quai. Want to try it?
Forget the high-tech stuff. Just change your diet.
It's true! Too much caffeine can make you sterile.
Yoga is good for that. My cousin Carol--
They have these ceremonies in Peru--
You mind my asking, is it him or you?
Have you tried acupuncture? Meditation?
It's in your head. Relax! Take a vacation
And have some fun. You think too much. Stop trying.
Did I say something wrong? Why are you crying?

Author of infertility poetry
Catherine
from the website: http://www.fertilitymoon.com