"That" person!

During my pregnancy with Jakson I didn't really have a big support network.
I had my amazing mum, Debbie, and my beautiful best friend Stephenie and of course my wonderful husband Johnny and that was about it for a close support network.
I had other friends that took an interest but it was these three that really helped me through it.
Mum, Steph and Johnny were there to ask me about the appointments, shop with me, plan my baby shower, listen to my fears and wipe away my tears, jump around excitedly with me and hold my hand when things got scary (I didn't have an easy pregnancy).
I know I should be this support person for others right now but knowing what should be done and what I actually feel are two very different things.
There were people who should have been there for me during my pregnancy with Jakson but for whatever reason chose to be out of my life at that time, and that still upsets me even 5 years later.
I don't want people to look back on their pregnancies and feel that way about me :(


What makes me really sad at the moment is that I don't know how to put my feelings aside and be happy for those around me that are pregnant.
I really wish I could but I honestly don't know how to :(

I hate that people are scared to tell me they are either going to start trying to fall pregnant or that they are pregnant.

I hate that that moment of when you tell people you are pregnant and they are all excited and happy for you is taken away from some of our nearest and dearest because they are either unsure how to tell us or scared that they will upset us.
I can completely understand why they would be scared to come out and tell us, we know they don't want to intentionally upset us.

I don't want to be the person that people need to walk around on eggshells around, I don't want to be that person who avoids certain social situations due to the chance pregnancy might be a topic of conversation, I don't want to be that person that finds out everything last because people don't know how to tell me.....but I am that person and it sucks! plan and simple, it sucks!

Am I bitter? yes, am I angry? yes, but this doesn't mean I'm bitter and angry towards others.
It's more that I am bitter and angry towards the situation, towards infertility, towards myself :(