Pregnancy isn't easy......

...well not for me anyway.

I know some people glow during their pregnancy and love every bit of it, but me, well I don't glow...or at least I don't feel like I do.

It's hard to actually say out loud that I am struggling, I feel an incredible sense of guilt saying that I don't find it easy.

But the truth is that I don't find it easy, I still have horrible morning sickness, excruciating back pain to the point where I cannot walk sometimes, sever migraines which may result in me having to see a neurologist soon and I'm still trying to get my gestational diabetes under control.
On top of all of the physical things I am trying to work though some very deep emotional and psychological issues as we try to decide what kind of birth our daughter will have. 

We fought so hard to get our little princess, went through so much pain and heartache and I really just want to be able to enjoy being pregnant....even if only for a week or two.
From the moment I wake up until the moment I fall asleep, I am in pain :(


People say to me 'but you finally have want you wanted" and all I can think when they say it is that infertility doesn't make being pregnant easier. If anything it makes me feel like I can't talk about it to those around me, how could I possible complain about something I've wanted for so long??

Yes, I wouldn't change it for the world but that doesn't mean that it is any easier to deal with.

The pain I feel is very real, infertility or not, that pain is here and I can't see it letting up anytime soon.

The thing that gets me though is knowing that in a few months I am going to get to hold our beautiful daughter, and that moment will be worth any pain any at :)

Our little princess

So it's been just over a week since we found out we are going to be adding a little princess our family ♥


From the moment, and I literally mean the moment I found out I was pregnant I have had the most unbelievably strong feeling that bubs is a girl. 
I have never been so sure of a feeling in my life. I should add that this feeling wasn't because I wanted a girl, if you ask anyone who knows me they will tell you that I've always said I only ever wanted boys. 


There are some personal reasons as to why I haven't wanted a daughter, but to be honest I have just never seen myself as having a daughter, only sons. 


But the feeling of bubs being a girl from the start has been a very euphoric feeling, a feeling of just knowing it's right. 


The night before our ultrasound I couldn't sleep, I was so excited to know that I was finally going to have my feeling confirmed. It was like I was a little kid on Christmas Eve!


We had to wait a while once we were in the ultrasound until we found out. The songorapher had to take lots of measurements and all the routine things, but all I wanted to know was that bubs was healthy and a girl ;)

Being told that she is a girl just felt right, actually it felt more than right...it felt awesome! I could finally start calling her by gender rather than 'it' or just bubs :)




It's weird after 6 years of shopping for boys clothes to finally be looking at the pink section, but I think it's something I will get used to pretty quickly :)