Yesterday was two weeks since what was to be our embryo transfer.
Which means that yesterday was the day I was supposed to have a pregnancy test to see if our IVF attempt was successful.
I thought that getting past yesterday would have brought some closure to the whole thing, but it hasn't.....well not yet anyway.
I can't stop thinking that I should have spent the last two week worried about the food I was eating and if it were pregnancy friendly, over analysing ever symptom I thought I had and waiting for yesterday to come with mixed emotions of anticipation, excitement and fear.
Instead I've been able to eat and do whatever I wanted, I didn't have to worry if it was pregnancy friendly, I could have got drunk, gone sky diving or done whatever I wanted.
I cant' tell you how much I would have given to have been constantly worried about everything I was doing everyday rather than spending the last two weeks in tears about what could and should have been.
We still haven't gone back to see our specialist to find out if there are any answers as to what went wrong.
I guess we should probably do that soon, better to get it over and done with than to keep waiting.
Not sure when we will be ready to do this all again (both financially and emotionally) maybe having a few months break will be a good idea....let us get back to finding out who we are as people, parents, husband and wife and not just always being the infertile couple.
Saturday, July 24, 2010
Sunday, July 18, 2010
A bit of an embarrassing story
I had quite an embarrassing moment the other day.
We had an auto electrician here to fix our car window and I was talking to him and he was telling me about his children. He mentioned that they are all grown up now, he has a 28yr old, 27 and 21 yr old.
I asked him if they younger one was close to their older siblings and he said yes, in fact the 21yr old is closer to the 27yrs old than the 28yr old is. When he told me this I burst into tears, not just a few tears but a lot...think hysterical mad woman! lol
He, understandably was very shocked at my reaction and asked if he had upset me.
I told him that no he hadn't, in fact he had made my day.
I explained that Jakson is 5 years old and we have been trying to fall pregnant again for over three years and that we often get told things like 'you don't want to leave the age gap to big or they won't grow up close' and comments like that.
So to hear that his children had a 6 year age gap and were very close was something I really needed to hear.
It's things like that, that I want and need to hear...not words like 'just relax' or 'you're trying to hard' because those words don't help at all
We had an auto electrician here to fix our car window and I was talking to him and he was telling me about his children. He mentioned that they are all grown up now, he has a 28yr old, 27 and 21 yr old.
I asked him if they younger one was close to their older siblings and he said yes, in fact the 21yr old is closer to the 27yrs old than the 28yr old is. When he told me this I burst into tears, not just a few tears but a lot...think hysterical mad woman! lol
He, understandably was very shocked at my reaction and asked if he had upset me.
I told him that no he hadn't, in fact he had made my day.
I explained that Jakson is 5 years old and we have been trying to fall pregnant again for over three years and that we often get told things like 'you don't want to leave the age gap to big or they won't grow up close' and comments like that.
So to hear that his children had a 6 year age gap and were very close was something I really needed to hear.
It's things like that, that I want and need to hear...not words like 'just relax' or 'you're trying to hard' because those words don't help at all
Our loss, is a loss
So it's been over a week now since our first (and hopefully not last) IVF attempt failed.
Failed, that's such a harsh word but I guess it's the truth....it didn't work so therefor it failed :(
It's been an ok week, lots of feeling up and down, lots of tears and lots of questions that will never be answered.
I think one of the biggest things I had to deal with is my own beliefs.
You see, I believe that life begins at conception and even though our embryo was on alive for just over a day....to me it was the beginning of a child. I know that many wouldn't see it that way, but it's what my beliefs are and it's why I have struggled with the whole IVF thing and multiple embryos being created.
That's why when we only had one egg retrieved, I told myself that it was because God knew how I felt and didn't want to burden me with the decision of what to do with the left over embryo's......I convinced myself that God only gave me one because he knew that was all I would need.
Some people don't see what we have gone through as a loss, but to me it very much is.
I wonder if our embryo had been transferred back into me and not survived, would people have seen that as a loss? That is pretty much what a 'chemical pregnany' is and people still see that as a loss, so is it the fact that it was not inside me that makes it less of a loss??
I had one comment said to me (and I can't remember the exact phrase, but it was something like this) 'at least it wasn't put back in you and not lived' but I don't think that would have made it any easier or harder for me, I am still very much feeling the loss of what should have been my son or daughter.
I would never want to minimise the pain of someone who has experienced a miscarriage or loss of a child, and in the same respect I would never want my pain minimised by others who do not think our loss is big enough.
I wonder how long it will take to stop asking myself what I could have done to change things.
Did I do something wrong or not do something right to make my egg not the best quality it could have been, could I have done something more....prayed more, done more research to increase our chances, did I jinx myself by being so open about our struggles - have I made myself the poster girl for infertility..?
Even though our embryo was not put back into me, I feel like maybe I could have fixed it or made it live if I had been given the chance....that's the emotional side, the mothering and protector side of me talking, because logically I know that this is just the way it went, that it just wasn't meant to be.
I guess like all things, it will take time and be an ongoing process for us to move on from
I just pray that if we do get to do IVF again, it will be a more positive outcome
Failed, that's such a harsh word but I guess it's the truth....it didn't work so therefor it failed :(
It's been an ok week, lots of feeling up and down, lots of tears and lots of questions that will never be answered.
I think one of the biggest things I had to deal with is my own beliefs.
You see, I believe that life begins at conception and even though our embryo was on alive for just over a day....to me it was the beginning of a child. I know that many wouldn't see it that way, but it's what my beliefs are and it's why I have struggled with the whole IVF thing and multiple embryos being created.
That's why when we only had one egg retrieved, I told myself that it was because God knew how I felt and didn't want to burden me with the decision of what to do with the left over embryo's......I convinced myself that God only gave me one because he knew that was all I would need.
Some people don't see what we have gone through as a loss, but to me it very much is.
I wonder if our embryo had been transferred back into me and not survived, would people have seen that as a loss? That is pretty much what a 'chemical pregnany' is and people still see that as a loss, so is it the fact that it was not inside me that makes it less of a loss??
I had one comment said to me (and I can't remember the exact phrase, but it was something like this) 'at least it wasn't put back in you and not lived' but I don't think that would have made it any easier or harder for me, I am still very much feeling the loss of what should have been my son or daughter.
I would never want to minimise the pain of someone who has experienced a miscarriage or loss of a child, and in the same respect I would never want my pain minimised by others who do not think our loss is big enough.
I wonder how long it will take to stop asking myself what I could have done to change things.
Did I do something wrong or not do something right to make my egg not the best quality it could have been, could I have done something more....prayed more, done more research to increase our chances, did I jinx myself by being so open about our struggles - have I made myself the poster girl for infertility..?
Even though our embryo was not put back into me, I feel like maybe I could have fixed it or made it live if I had been given the chance....that's the emotional side, the mothering and protector side of me talking, because logically I know that this is just the way it went, that it just wasn't meant to be.
I guess like all things, it will take time and be an ongoing process for us to move on from
I just pray that if we do get to do IVF again, it will be a more positive outcome
Saturday, July 10, 2010
Accepting help and 'Paying it Forward'
For me, accepting help is extremely hard. It's not because of pride or ego but because I am a giver, with every bit of my being I like to be able to give and help others :)
I would do anything to be able to help anyone but to accept help for myself is something that I find incredible hard and I don't really know why
Since telling everyone about the loss of our embryo on Friday I have been beyond overwhelmed by such generous and amazing offers of help.
This was and still is very overwhelming for us. I don't understand why people want to help us?
And it is something that I am struggling to not only accept but allow myself not to feel guilty about it
I guess this is just one more thing that dealing with infertility is teaching me
I would do anything to be able to help anyone but to accept help for myself is something that I find incredible hard and I don't really know why
Since telling everyone about the loss of our embryo on Friday I have been beyond overwhelmed by such generous and amazing offers of help.
This was and still is very overwhelming for us. I don't understand why people want to help us?
And it is something that I am struggling to not only accept but allow myself not to feel guilty about it
I guess this is just one more thing that dealing with infertility is teaching me
Looking back
Thinking back over everything we have been through already, it makes me wonder why nothing has worked yet?
Although we struggled for more than 18months to conceive Jakson, we were able to conceive him naturally.
It took me two years of trying to be able to make the decision to go and see a fertility specialist. Normally it's once you pass the 12 month mark but I wasn't mentally ready at that time.
It was really hard for me, I felt like a complete failure....I felt I was letting down Johnny, Jakson and our baby to be.
If only I'd known how long this journey was going to be I would have made that appointment for the fertility specialist very quickly!
Due to limited funds and my ignorance with how much a private specialist cost, we decided to go through the public health system.
I got my referral and made the appointment.
I thought it was a bit weird when they sent my paperwork to fill in, it just didn't seem right and I knew I should have called to question it but I didn't.
When it was time for the appointment, we got there and I gave them the paperwork and we sat down, waiting to be called. The receptionist called me to come to the desk and gave me a bag and says 'Congratulations!' yep, it was the gift bag that they give to pregnant women
I had to tell her that I am not pregnant but here for fertility help, she than looked at who had I was booked in to see and it was for a pregnancy appointment not a reproductive medicine appointment!
It turns out that it was both the doctors and hospitals fault, a miscommunication if you will!
The doctor didn't put enough info on the referral and whoever received the referral and made the appointment didn't read the full referral properly.
I can't tell you how hard it was to not cry that day, my eyes were filled with tears as the receptionist and her supervisor apologised profusely to me and Johnny. I can't begin to describe how horrible it was
We went to pick Jakson up from my mums after the appointment and both my sisters were there and obviously wanted to know how the appointment went, and telling them what happened was just as hard as when the lady presented me with the bag and a big excited congratulations
They only have the reproductive medicine clinic on Wednesdays so they made an appointment for us for a couple of weeks away.
I had a good cry in the car and when we got home.
Having to actually tell someone that I am was not pregnant is much harder than knowing I am not, if that makes sense?
To have to verbalise it and say it in a room full of pregnant woman was one of the most difficult things I've had to say.
As it was mothers day, I also missed the Mother's Day afternoon tea at Jakson's day care. Thankfully my mum was able to be there for him, but it's something that I should have been there for
Johnny had to take the day off work, and had to take another one off when our proper appointment came round.
So that was our first experience with medical fertility help, and it was not a good one. I guess it kind of set the tone for what has been our experience so far.
I'll try and be brief now while I outline what has happened so far
- The specialist putting me on Clomid (a drug to help you ovulate) and deciding not to put me on the waiting list to have a laparoscopy (which going by my symptoms, they should have)
- The specialist did not monitor me during my 4 cycles of Clomid. I later found out that they should have been doing a scan each cycle to ensure the Clomid was working properly
- After 4 cycles of Clomid we stopped as it was obvious that is was not working.
- We also found out later on that the laboratory they sent Johnny's tests to was a sub-standard laboratory and most fertility specialist will not use it
- Seeing a new specialist through the public system (there was always a new one each appointment - no continuity at all) they looked at my file and asked why I had not had the laparoscopy yet? I said to them because no one has ordered it and they were shocked. The put me on the list immediately and said it should only take about 3 months of waiting.....well that 3 months turned into 7months because there was a problem with the surgical lists and I got pushed back when I shouldn't have been.
Finally at one of the appointments the specialist rang them and told them to give me a surgery date immediately, the following day I got a letter telling me my surgery would be in May.
- Before the laparoscopy I talked with the anaesthesiologist and told him I am allergic to Tramadol, well he still decided to give me Tramadol and I had a very horrible 48 hours after the operation with very nasty side effects including extreme vertigo, pain and trouble breathing, nausea and headaches.....all this to go along with the normal post-op pain!
It was only when we went to see a private specialist Dr. Parmar that things turned around. Dr. Parmar has been wonderful, very caring and thorough.
I really hope that although the start to our fertility treatment experience was horrid, one day the end with Dr.Parmar can be on a happy note
Although we struggled for more than 18months to conceive Jakson, we were able to conceive him naturally.
It took me two years of trying to be able to make the decision to go and see a fertility specialist. Normally it's once you pass the 12 month mark but I wasn't mentally ready at that time.
It was really hard for me, I felt like a complete failure....I felt I was letting down Johnny, Jakson and our baby to be.
If only I'd known how long this journey was going to be I would have made that appointment for the fertility specialist very quickly!
Due to limited funds and my ignorance with how much a private specialist cost, we decided to go through the public health system.
I got my referral and made the appointment.
I thought it was a bit weird when they sent my paperwork to fill in, it just didn't seem right and I knew I should have called to question it but I didn't.
When it was time for the appointment, we got there and I gave them the paperwork and we sat down, waiting to be called. The receptionist called me to come to the desk and gave me a bag and says 'Congratulations!' yep, it was the gift bag that they give to pregnant women
I had to tell her that I am not pregnant but here for fertility help, she than looked at who had I was booked in to see and it was for a pregnancy appointment not a reproductive medicine appointment!
It turns out that it was both the doctors and hospitals fault, a miscommunication if you will!
The doctor didn't put enough info on the referral and whoever received the referral and made the appointment didn't read the full referral properly.
I can't tell you how hard it was to not cry that day, my eyes were filled with tears as the receptionist and her supervisor apologised profusely to me and Johnny. I can't begin to describe how horrible it was
We went to pick Jakson up from my mums after the appointment and both my sisters were there and obviously wanted to know how the appointment went, and telling them what happened was just as hard as when the lady presented me with the bag and a big excited congratulations
They only have the reproductive medicine clinic on Wednesdays so they made an appointment for us for a couple of weeks away.
I had a good cry in the car and when we got home.
Having to actually tell someone that I am was not pregnant is much harder than knowing I am not, if that makes sense?
To have to verbalise it and say it in a room full of pregnant woman was one of the most difficult things I've had to say.
As it was mothers day, I also missed the Mother's Day afternoon tea at Jakson's day care. Thankfully my mum was able to be there for him, but it's something that I should have been there for
Johnny had to take the day off work, and had to take another one off when our proper appointment came round.
So that was our first experience with medical fertility help, and it was not a good one. I guess it kind of set the tone for what has been our experience so far.
I'll try and be brief now while I outline what has happened so far
- The specialist putting me on Clomid (a drug to help you ovulate) and deciding not to put me on the waiting list to have a laparoscopy (which going by my symptoms, they should have)
- The specialist did not monitor me during my 4 cycles of Clomid. I later found out that they should have been doing a scan each cycle to ensure the Clomid was working properly
- After 4 cycles of Clomid we stopped as it was obvious that is was not working.
- We also found out later on that the laboratory they sent Johnny's tests to was a sub-standard laboratory and most fertility specialist will not use it
- Seeing a new specialist through the public system (there was always a new one each appointment - no continuity at all) they looked at my file and asked why I had not had the laparoscopy yet? I said to them because no one has ordered it and they were shocked. The put me on the list immediately and said it should only take about 3 months of waiting.....well that 3 months turned into 7months because there was a problem with the surgical lists and I got pushed back when I shouldn't have been.
Finally at one of the appointments the specialist rang them and told them to give me a surgery date immediately, the following day I got a letter telling me my surgery would be in May.
- Before the laparoscopy I talked with the anaesthesiologist and told him I am allergic to Tramadol, well he still decided to give me Tramadol and I had a very horrible 48 hours after the operation with very nasty side effects including extreme vertigo, pain and trouble breathing, nausea and headaches.....all this to go along with the normal post-op pain!
It was only when we went to see a private specialist Dr. Parmar that things turned around. Dr. Parmar has been wonderful, very caring and thorough.
I really hope that although the start to our fertility treatment experience was horrid, one day the end with Dr.Parmar can be on a happy note
Friday, July 9, 2010
It's just so unfair :(
This is not a post I ever thought I would be making :(
I went to bed last night very excited and nervous about what today would bring. I would be getting up at 5am and getting ready to go to the hospital(after dropping Jakson off) with my husband to have our embryo that would become our child transferred in to me.
It was exciting, it was the start of a life! It may not have been the way I thought or wanted it to happen but it was the start of a brand new life, a brand new life that would one day be our son or daughter.
Because we got to the hospital earlier than expected we went and had some breakfast together and talked about things and the miracle of what was about to happen.
We went and saw the nurse and signed the forms, went through the medication I would need afterwards and than she explained what would happen. We would get to see our embryo before it's implanted, I was amazed at this because I didn't know that happened. She even said we might get a photo of it, how special and amazing would that be!
We than went and waited in the waiting room, we were only minutes away from it all happening and the excitement was definitely building inside me.
I got my phone out to check it and was a bit shocked to see a missed call from my fertility specialist, unfortunately she couldn't be there and another doctor was going to be doing the transfer so I thought maybe she was ringing to say good luck.....how wrong I was.
I called her back and her words to me were "I'm sorry but I have some bad news for you' that moment in time by heart sunk and I knew that I wouldn't be walking out of there with my embryo, my future child.
She said that things were fine last night and this morning and than they noticed the the embryo had started to develop 2 abnormal cells....cells which have made the embryo not viable for pregnancy.
I hung up and told Johnny, I never ever want to have to tell him something like that ever again as long as I live...it was horrible :(
We didn't know what to do than, we were supposed to be going in for the transfer with a doctor we didn't know, we couldn't even see them because we hadn't meet them before.
So we went to reception and told them what happened and asked them to let the doctors know we were leaving.
We got to the car and cried, cried so many tears :(
There are so many questions, and no answers.....I'm not sure if there will ever be any answers :(
Did I take my medication wrong, did I do something that made me only produce one egg and an egg that may have caused the abnormal cells? could I have prayed harder? gone to Church to ask for Gods help? could I have tried some alternative treatment to help?? surely there was more I could have done to make this IVF journey a successful one?
Why did this have to happen at the last possible minute? I feel like it was within reach and than snatched away from us so unfairly
One of the hardest things about being so open about our struggles is when things go bad I also have to share that, it's only fair. But it's hard, it's hard to tell people that things have not worked out, I don't want to make our struggles anyone elses burden but people have come on this journey with us and supported us unconditionally and it is only fair that I share this too :(
I guess sometimes when things like this happen, it makes me wish I hadn't shared our story, hadn't opened up about how I feel :( but than I have to think of all the kind and supportive messages I have received and how by sharing our story, I have helped others.
When we are feeling up to it again we will make an appointment to go back and see the specialist and hope she has some answers about what went wrong
I went to bed last night very excited and nervous about what today would bring. I would be getting up at 5am and getting ready to go to the hospital(after dropping Jakson off) with my husband to have our embryo that would become our child transferred in to me.
It was exciting, it was the start of a life! It may not have been the way I thought or wanted it to happen but it was the start of a brand new life, a brand new life that would one day be our son or daughter.
Because we got to the hospital earlier than expected we went and had some breakfast together and talked about things and the miracle of what was about to happen.
We went and saw the nurse and signed the forms, went through the medication I would need afterwards and than she explained what would happen. We would get to see our embryo before it's implanted, I was amazed at this because I didn't know that happened. She even said we might get a photo of it, how special and amazing would that be!
We than went and waited in the waiting room, we were only minutes away from it all happening and the excitement was definitely building inside me.
I got my phone out to check it and was a bit shocked to see a missed call from my fertility specialist, unfortunately she couldn't be there and another doctor was going to be doing the transfer so I thought maybe she was ringing to say good luck.....how wrong I was.
I called her back and her words to me were "I'm sorry but I have some bad news for you' that moment in time by heart sunk and I knew that I wouldn't be walking out of there with my embryo, my future child.
She said that things were fine last night and this morning and than they noticed the the embryo had started to develop 2 abnormal cells....cells which have made the embryo not viable for pregnancy.
I hung up and told Johnny, I never ever want to have to tell him something like that ever again as long as I live...it was horrible :(
We didn't know what to do than, we were supposed to be going in for the transfer with a doctor we didn't know, we couldn't even see them because we hadn't meet them before.
So we went to reception and told them what happened and asked them to let the doctors know we were leaving.
We got to the car and cried, cried so many tears :(
There are so many questions, and no answers.....I'm not sure if there will ever be any answers :(
Did I take my medication wrong, did I do something that made me only produce one egg and an egg that may have caused the abnormal cells? could I have prayed harder? gone to Church to ask for Gods help? could I have tried some alternative treatment to help?? surely there was more I could have done to make this IVF journey a successful one?
Why did this have to happen at the last possible minute? I feel like it was within reach and than snatched away from us so unfairly
One of the hardest things about being so open about our struggles is when things go bad I also have to share that, it's only fair. But it's hard, it's hard to tell people that things have not worked out, I don't want to make our struggles anyone elses burden but people have come on this journey with us and supported us unconditionally and it is only fair that I share this too :(
I guess sometimes when things like this happen, it makes me wish I hadn't shared our story, hadn't opened up about how I feel :( but than I have to think of all the kind and supportive messages I have received and how by sharing our story, I have helped others.
When we are feeling up to it again we will make an appointment to go back and see the specialist and hope she has some answers about what went wrong
Thursday, July 8, 2010
Transfer time!!!
Yesterday after my egg pick up I was told that if the egg didn't survive they would call me to let me know and talk about what to do next.
If the egg did survive then they could call me between 1-3pm to let me know what time my transfer would be.
Well when the phone rang at 11am my heart fell into the pit of my stomach the call was from a blocked phone number, and when the clinic calls me it always comes up as a blocked number.
I can't even begin to describe the unbelievable pain and fear I felt when it rang.....something I never want to experience again
so I answered the phone and it was just a stupid telemarketer! >:(
The phone rang again at about 1.15pm and it was the clinic this time, and she was ringing to tell me that my transfer will be at 8.30am tomorrow morning
so our precious little egg has survived so far and now we have an embryo!!!
It was the best news ever....and on Johnny's birthday!
It was five years ago today on Johnny's birthday that we brought our son home from hospital and this year on his birthday I was able to tell him that our very very precious egg has survived so far and that our embryo is now waiting to be put back inside me ♥♥♥
So we are off to the hospital nice and early tomorrow morning, I have to be there at 8.20am
My sister has kindly offered to look after Jakson for us so that Johnny can be there with me when our little embie is put back inside me.
If the egg did survive then they could call me between 1-3pm to let me know what time my transfer would be.
Well when the phone rang at 11am my heart fell into the pit of my stomach
the call was from a blocked phone number, and when the clinic calls me it always comes up as a blocked number.I can't even begin to describe the unbelievable pain and fear I felt when it rang.....something I never want to experience again
so I answered the phone and it was just a stupid telemarketer! >:(
The phone rang again at about 1.15pm and it was the clinic this time, and she was ringing to tell me that my transfer will be at 8.30am tomorrow morning
so our precious little egg has survived so far and now we have an embryo!!!
It was the best news ever....and on Johnny's birthday!
It was five years ago today on Johnny's birthday that we brought our son home from hospital and this year on his birthday I was able to tell him that our very very precious egg has survived so far and that our embryo is now waiting to be put back inside me ♥♥♥
So we are off to the hospital nice and early tomorrow morning, I have to be there at 8.20am
My sister has kindly offered to look after Jakson for us so that Johnny can be there with me when our little embie is put back inside me.
My sister is not a morning person at all, so an offer like this from her is a very generous one (seeing as though we have to drop Jakson off at 6.45am!) lol
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
One :(
I had my egg pick up today and the result wasn't a positive one :(
We were hoping to get 8 or more eggs, but we only got one
I have no idea what went wrong or why there was only one.....I keep telling myself that there is only one because God knows that is all we will need
To say we are devastated is an understatement. We are shattered, just when we thought infertility could not take any more of us emotionally, it goes and does this.
We know it only takes one egg but the reason they stimulate the ovaries is to try and get as many eggs as safely possible so that they can have a few to try and fertilise because the reality is that not all eggs survive the fertilisation process and so you can have some frozen in case the first one that is transferred doesn't stick.
By not having any left to freeze, we have no option but to go through this whole process again if we do not get pregnant with this egg.
The clinic is going to try and fertilise that egg and hopefully if it survives the process than I will have it transferred back into me on Friday
I am so scared that I will get a call tomorrow saying the egg has not survived and it's all over for us :(
I think anytime my phone rings tomorrow I am going to get a horrible deep sinking feeling in my stomach
If the egg does survive than I should get a phone call tomorrow between 1-3pm to tell me what time the transfer will be....*fingers crossed* this is the phone call I get
We were hoping to get 8 or more eggs, but we only got one
I have no idea what went wrong or why there was only one.....I keep telling myself that there is only one because God knows that is all we will need
To say we are devastated is an understatement. We are shattered, just when we thought infertility could not take any more of us emotionally, it goes and does this.
We know it only takes one egg but the reason they stimulate the ovaries is to try and get as many eggs as safely possible so that they can have a few to try and fertilise because the reality is that not all eggs survive the fertilisation process and so you can have some frozen in case the first one that is transferred doesn't stick.
By not having any left to freeze, we have no option but to go through this whole process again if we do not get pregnant with this egg.
The clinic is going to try and fertilise that egg and hopefully if it survives the process than I will have it transferred back into me on Friday
I am so scared that I will get a call tomorrow saying the egg has not survived and it's all over for us :(
I think anytime my phone rings tomorrow I am going to get a horrible deep sinking feeling in my stomach
If the egg does survive than I should get a phone call tomorrow between 1-3pm to tell me what time the transfer will be....*fingers crossed* this is the phone call I get
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
Egg Pick Up - Here We Come!
So tomorrow is the day they will collect my eggs!
To say we are excited, scared, worried and nervous is an understatement.
I would love to say that out of all of those emotions excited wins out but it doesn't, fear is the big one, the one that is right there at the front, the one that is pushing excitement to the back of the line.
Jakson is sleeping over at my sisters house tonight so we don't have to stress getting him up early at to kinder. I hate not having him sleeping in his own bed or in the same house as me but I know it will be easier for both us and him if he stays over at his aunts house.
We need to be at the hospital at 8am where I will be admitted and than go in for my procedure about 9am.
At 8 am Johnny will also have to go and give his donation to this process, lol
Than we wait until Friday when I go back to hopefully have an embryo put back in me **fingers crossed**
To say we are excited, scared, worried and nervous is an understatement.
I would love to say that out of all of those emotions excited wins out but it doesn't, fear is the big one, the one that is right there at the front, the one that is pushing excitement to the back of the line.
Jakson is sleeping over at my sisters house tonight so we don't have to stress getting him up early at to kinder. I hate not having him sleeping in his own bed or in the same house as me but I know it will be easier for both us and him if he stays over at his aunts house.
We need to be at the hospital at 8am where I will be admitted and than go in for my procedure about 9am.
At 8 am Johnny will also have to go and give his donation to this process, lol
Than we wait until Friday when I go back to hopefully have an embryo put back in me **fingers crossed**
Friday, July 2, 2010
Scans, scans and more scans!
So where are things at now?
Well this week I've had three scans to check and see how my follicles are developing (follicles are the tiny sacs of fluid that holds the egg).
My first scan on Monday showed that I had a couple of follicles, the second scan on Wednesday showed that I had about 4 (8 is the number they were aiming for) so they increased my Puregon (the drug that encourages follicle growth) and also put me on Cetrotide injections to stop me ovulating.
I went back today (7am! ekk LOL) for another scan and it showed I've got 7 to 8 good sized follicles and a few more that are still growing so I am staying on the Puregon and Cetrotide until Monday to give those last few follies a chance to grow bigger.
That means I will have been on Cetrotide for 6 days, the injections cost $105 each and I was lucky enough that the specialist had two extra ones at the clinic that she gave me so I only had to pay for 4 for them :)
On Monday I have to call the clinic and find out if I am to give myself the trigger injection on Monday or Tuesday.
If I have the trigger on Monday, than my eggs will be picked up on Wednesday and the embryo will be transferred back into me on Friday
If I have the trigger on Tuesday, than my eggs will be picked up on Thursday and the embryo will be transferred back into me on Saturday
So either way by Saturday I will have an embryo back inside me and hopefully growing **fingers crossed**
Than it's a very long two week wait to find out if I am pregnant of not
Well this week I've had three scans to check and see how my follicles are developing (follicles are the tiny sacs of fluid that holds the egg).
My first scan on Monday showed that I had a couple of follicles, the second scan on Wednesday showed that I had about 4 (8 is the number they were aiming for) so they increased my Puregon (the drug that encourages follicle growth) and also put me on Cetrotide injections to stop me ovulating.
I went back today (7am! ekk LOL) for another scan and it showed I've got 7 to 8 good sized follicles and a few more that are still growing so I am staying on the Puregon and Cetrotide until Monday to give those last few follies a chance to grow bigger.
That means I will have been on Cetrotide for 6 days, the injections cost $105 each and I was lucky enough that the specialist had two extra ones at the clinic that she gave me so I only had to pay for 4 for them :)
On Monday I have to call the clinic and find out if I am to give myself the trigger injection on Monday or Tuesday.
If I have the trigger on Monday, than my eggs will be picked up on Wednesday and the embryo will be transferred back into me on Friday
If I have the trigger on Tuesday, than my eggs will be picked up on Thursday and the embryo will be transferred back into me on Saturday
So either way by Saturday I will have an embryo back inside me and hopefully growing **fingers crossed**
Than it's a very long two week wait to find out if I am pregnant of not
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