Well what is supposed to be a natural event has been a very stressful one for me.
Breastfeeding did not happen instantly for us and in fact it took at least 5 days for my milk to even come in.
While in hospital we kept trying and we just could not get Milly to attach properly. Different nurses kept trying and still we couldn't get a proper attachment. I was starting to feel a bit, I dunno...stupid I guess for not knowing what a proper attachment was. In all honesty I had no idea what I or Milly should be doing.
With Jakson I was only able to breastfeed for three weeks and that was with using a nipple shield, so I never experienced an attachment with him.
To add to the stress this time, we had a very sleepy baby. Milly had a very big and nasty bruise on her face from the forceps when she was born and this had caused her to have jaundice and be very sleepy.
She was pretty much asleep non stop, only waking occasionally to have a little cry to let me know she was hungry or had a dirty nappy.
I would put Milly onto the breast, she would have a few little suckles and than be asleep again.
For me this was very frustrating, I just wanted to feed my baby :(
No, make that I needed to feed my baby.
One of the main reasons I gave up my dream of having a vaginal birth was to increase my chances of breastfeeding successfully.
Unfortunately it got to a stage in the hospital where we had to give her formula, this broke my heart.
Not that I'm against formula feeding, Jakson was formula feed.
But I so desperately wanted to breastfeed her that every bottle of formula I made up felt like that dream of breastfeeding her was slipping away :(
Just as with trying to conceive her, the pregnancy and birth, this was another stage that left me in constant tears.
And just like all of the above I was determined to stick with it and push through all the hurdles.
I kept trying, through all the pain and frustration I just kept trying and slowly we were making progress.
Once my milk came in I was able to express so that even though she was having bottles, at least it was my breastmilk she was having. Trying to encourage my milk to come in and my supply to keep up, I was pumping around the clock....I felt like I was a cow at a dairy farm! lol
After we came home from hospital I had a few nurses come out and visit and they kept trying to help Milly attach and yet still no luck. One of the nurses gave me a nipple shield to try, however it didn't work.
But not giving up I made an appointment at the breastfeeding clinic at the hospital, however they didn't have any vacancies for a week. So for that week I just kept pumping and offering the breast, hoping and praying that she would attach properly but it was not to be.
Many many times I was close to giving up and just putting her onto formula. Since Milly was born I had been fighting infections and been on two different courses of antibiotics which were having an impact on my milk supply....adding more stress to the situation.
Throughout all the tears and frustration I am so grateful to have had my wonderfully supportive husband by my side. He kept things in prospective and calmed me down when I needed it.
Going to the breastfeeding clinic I was nearly at breaking point, nearly at the point of just throwing in the breastfeeding towel because it was consuming me too much and I should be enjoying having a newborn rather than crying non stop because I felt like a failure for not being able to breastfeed her.
But I am so glad that I went to that clinic, that I didn't call up and cancel the appointment.
The nurses there were so lovely and supportive. After talking about what had been happening so far the nurse gave me a smaller shield to use and instantly Milly attached and I sat there while she feed continuously for over 15 minutes, the longest feed she had ever had. Oh and yes, I cried again but this time they were happy tears.
I couldn't believe that just using a smaller shield had worked! and that there was still a chance for us to have a long and enjoyable breastfeeding journey.
We made another appointment for two weeks time, in which the nurse said we would probably not even need the shield! now this to me seemed nearly impossible.
I was never able to feed Jakson without the shield and had already had so many problems with Milly that I didn't see up being able to feed without the shield ever.
So for the next two weeks we feed with the shield and then we went back to the clinic.
I sat in the chair and the nurse said to try without the shield, so I did and instantly Milly attached!
I started crying (again!) because for the first time my baby had attached and was having a nice long and full feed from me.
All the tears, frustration, anger, guilt and everything else disappeared and I was instantly filled with joy and pride. Why pride? because I finally proud of myself for not giving up, for sticking with it.
We have been successfully breastfeeding since than :)
Although we have had to give her a few bottles of EBM (expressed breast milk) when my nipples were so sore and feeding was just too painful but we battled through it and have not had any problems since.
I love feeding my daughter, I cannot express the joy I get from it and I hope that we have a very long breast feeding journey ahead of us.
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
Our little princess enters the world ♥
On the morning of June 16, 2011 Jonathon and I woke up knowing this was the day our daughter was going to be born.
Now, we had known this date for months but waking up that morning knowing it was to be that day...well that was a very unique feeling.
I had no contractions, there was no hurry, no fear of my water breaking or a baby popping out quickly.
I got up and had my shower, did my hair (a priority of course
) packed the last few things I needed and off we went.
We arrived at the hospital at just before 6am and waited around until the day surgery unit opened.
Once it opened we went in and let the nurses know that my blood sugar levels were getting pretty low, and because I was fasting they were a little worried about this.
After speaking to the doctor I was given some apple juice and told that I was going to be the first one on the list and that as soon as the doctor was there I would be going in.
We did all the usual pre-op things of filling in forms, getting weighed, checking baby and then I had to have some horrible medicine.
Not sure what it was for but it was YUK!
I was than taken into the theatre room. Now for most people this would may have been overwhelming but this was my 13th operation and the lights, medical equipment, nurses and doctors were something I was used to so I wasn’t overwhelmed or scared.....in fact I think because I had had so many operations before it kind of took some of the excitement away for me.
Next it was time to sit up on the bed and have the spinal needle and that hurt! But I had some fantastic nurses there holding my hands and talking me through it, they really made it a lot easier for me.
I was than laid down on the table and I started crying, I’m not sure why I was crying but I think it was just that I had so many emotions at that one time that I became overwhelmed by it all.
Once I was ready Jonathon was brought into the room and we were ready for our daughter to be born
They put a sheet up so I couldn’t see anything and when I asked if they could put the sheet down so I could watch they looked at me like it was the strangest request ever made! and then informed me that I’m not allowed to watch 
I would have LOVED to have watched but it wasn’t to be.
For those that don’t know about a c-section, you can feel some things but not pain. I could feel them touching me and all the pushing and prodding but no pain.
Millicent was stuck and so the pushing (of all my organs) I was feeling was very rough and the senior surgeon was...hmm, let’s just say she was very descriptive!
(the other surgeon came and apologised at the end telling us that the senior surgeon sometimes forgets the patient is awake and can hear what she is saying!)
We could hear the surgeon talking about Milly being stuck and that I was loosing more blood than she wanted me too. She kept saying things like ‘oh she is really stuck in there’ or we’re going to have to do this or that to get her out.
Jonathon and I just kept looking at each other with a kind of ‘just get this kid out safely’ look.
Although we were told Jonathon would be able to stand up to watch and take photos of her coming out due to her being so stuck he wasn’t able to do that
After using forceps to get her out Millicent Lindsay entered the world at 8.44am weighing 9lb 2oz or 4.14kg and measuring 52cm with a head circumference of 37.5cm
After she was finally pulled out Jonathon was able to follow her over to the baby station and see her and take photos and cut the umbilical cord.
I had a television above the bed where I could see what they were doing with her over there.
I remember laying on the operating bed looking at my baby and just thinking ‘how f**king big is she!’ BUT when they brought her over to me and laid her on my chest I realised that the TV was just really zoomed in on her and that’s why she looked so gigantic!
As she laid on my chest I kept thinking why don’t I feel anything? Isn’t there supposed to be this instant bond?
I was very confused and not really sure what to feel. We waited so long for her and I'm not feeling anything, it was very confusing for me.
In a way I was relieved when they took her away while I was sewn up because it gave me time to process everything.
Just after I got in to recovery Jonathon and Milly came in.
Again, she was placed on my chest but this time I didn’t feel empty or blank, I felt the most incredible feeling of love for her.
It was as if in that one instant my heart doubled in size.
I don’t know if it was because this time I could hold her and wrap my arms around her (where as whilst in theatre she was only placed on my chest and I couldn’t really cuddle her) or because I then got a chance to feed her. Something I had looked forward to for so long, something that I didn’t get to do last time and it was wonderful.
After spending a bit of time in recovery we were than taken to our room and made the phone call to have Jakson brought in (he had stayed the night at his nanny’s house).
When he came into the room and saw his little baby sister he was so excited and proud
He couldn’t wait to call everyone and tell them all about his brand new little sister
After a traumatic experience with Jakson’s birth, trying to fall pregnant for 3.5 years, having a difficult pregnancy and dealing with letting go of my dream of a VBAC and I am happy to say that I feel I had a positive c-section experience.
The doctors and nurses kept me informed of everything that was happening, Milly was only away from me for a short amount of time and she was with me in recovery and from then onwards.
Oh and her name, well I guess you could say that Jakson named her!
Before I was even pregnant Jakson would tell us that I was going to have a little girl and her name would be Milly. He would always talk about Milly and when I was pregnant he kept saying Milly.
It really grew on us and we couldn’t imagine her not being called Milly.
We started looking at the longer versions of Milly and fell in love with Millicent.
Her middle name Lindsay is her daddy's middle name that was passed down to him
(I’m so glad we didn’t go with his first choice a few years back of Taco!
)
Now, we had known this date for months but waking up that morning knowing it was to be that day...well that was a very unique feeling.
I had no contractions, there was no hurry, no fear of my water breaking or a baby popping out quickly.
I got up and had my shower, did my hair (a priority of course
) packed the last few things I needed and off we went. We arrived at the hospital at just before 6am and waited around until the day surgery unit opened.
Once it opened we went in and let the nurses know that my blood sugar levels were getting pretty low, and because I was fasting they were a little worried about this.
After speaking to the doctor I was given some apple juice and told that I was going to be the first one on the list and that as soon as the doctor was there I would be going in.
We did all the usual pre-op things of filling in forms, getting weighed, checking baby and then I had to have some horrible medicine.
Not sure what it was for but it was YUK!
I was than taken into the theatre room. Now for most people this would may have been overwhelming but this was my 13th operation and the lights, medical equipment, nurses and doctors were something I was used to so I wasn’t overwhelmed or scared.....in fact I think because I had had so many operations before it kind of took some of the excitement away for me.
Next it was time to sit up on the bed and have the spinal needle and that hurt! But I had some fantastic nurses there holding my hands and talking me through it, they really made it a lot easier for me.
I was than laid down on the table and I started crying, I’m not sure why I was crying but I think it was just that I had so many emotions at that one time that I became overwhelmed by it all.
Once I was ready Jonathon was brought into the room and we were ready for our daughter to be born
They put a sheet up so I couldn’t see anything and when I asked if they could put the sheet down so I could watch they looked at me like it was the strangest request ever made!
and then informed me that I’m not allowed to watch I would have LOVED to have watched but it wasn’t to be. For those that don’t know about a c-section, you can feel some things but not pain. I could feel them touching me and all the pushing and prodding but no pain.
Millicent was stuck and so the pushing (of all my organs) I was feeling was very rough and the senior surgeon was...hmm, let’s just say she was very descriptive!
(the other surgeon came and apologised at the end telling us that the senior surgeon sometimes forgets the patient is awake and can hear what she is saying!)
We could hear the surgeon talking about Milly being stuck and that I was loosing more blood than she wanted me too. She kept saying things like ‘oh she is really stuck in there’ or we’re going to have to do this or that to get her out.
Jonathon and I just kept looking at each other with a kind of ‘just get this kid out safely’ look.
Although we were told Jonathon would be able to stand up to watch and take photos of her coming out due to her being so stuck he wasn’t able to do that
After using forceps to get her out Millicent Lindsay entered the world at 8.44am weighing 9lb 2oz or 4.14kg and measuring 52cm with a head circumference of 37.5cm
After she was finally pulled out Jonathon was able to follow her over to the baby station and see her and take photos and cut the umbilical cord.
I had a television above the bed where I could see what they were doing with her over there.
I remember laying on the operating bed looking at my baby and just thinking ‘how f**king big is she!’ BUT when they brought her over to me and laid her on my chest I realised that the TV was just really zoomed in on her and that’s why she looked so gigantic!
As she laid on my chest I kept thinking why don’t I feel anything? Isn’t there supposed to be this instant bond?
I was very confused and not really sure what to feel. We waited so long for her and I'm not feeling anything, it was very confusing for me.
In a way I was relieved when they took her away while I was sewn up because it gave me time to process everything.
Just after I got in to recovery Jonathon and Milly came in.
Again, she was placed on my chest but this time I didn’t feel empty or blank, I felt the most incredible feeling of love for her.
It was as if in that one instant my heart doubled in size.
I don’t know if it was because this time I could hold her and wrap my arms around her (where as whilst in theatre she was only placed on my chest and I couldn’t really cuddle her) or because I then got a chance to feed her. Something I had looked forward to for so long, something that I didn’t get to do last time and it was wonderful.
After spending a bit of time in recovery we were than taken to our room and made the phone call to have Jakson brought in (he had stayed the night at his nanny’s house).
When he came into the room and saw his little baby sister he was so excited and proud
He couldn’t wait to call everyone and tell them all about his brand new little sister
After a traumatic experience with Jakson’s birth, trying to fall pregnant for 3.5 years, having a difficult pregnancy and dealing with letting go of my dream of a VBAC and I am happy to say that I feel I had a positive c-section experience.
The doctors and nurses kept me informed of everything that was happening, Milly was only away from me for a short amount of time and she was with me in recovery and from then onwards.
Oh and her name, well I guess you could say that Jakson named her!
Before I was even pregnant Jakson would tell us that I was going to have a little girl and her name would be Milly. He would always talk about Milly and when I was pregnant he kept saying Milly.
It really grew on us and we couldn’t imagine her not being called Milly.
We started looking at the longer versions of Milly and fell in love with Millicent.
Her middle name Lindsay is her daddy's middle name that was passed down to him
(I’m so glad we didn’t go with his first choice a few years back of Taco!
)
It's been a while ;)
Well it's been a while since I updated this but there has been a good reason... we have been completely besotted with our new arrival. On June 16th 2011 our beautiful little princess, Millicent Lindsay entered the world
The end on my pregnancy was a real struggle and we had been keeping a secret that was hard not to let out.
Since April we had known the date our daughter would be born. After a lot of thinking and talking early on in the pregnancy I agreed to have an elective c-section.
I had always wanted to have a VBAC - Vaginal Birth After Caesarean. This was something I knew I was going to have to fight for but I was sure I would be able to do it.
However after lots of thinking and tears I can to the realisation that for me, my baby and to help increase my chances of successfully breastfeeding it was best to go for the elective c-section.
To say I was heartbroken was an understatement. To know that I would never feel a contraction, feel my waters break, feel that urge to push....well lets just say that there were a lot of tears for all these things I would be missing out on but I worked though it and focused on having a positive birthing experience.
It was hard keeping it a secret but we didn't want the pressure of people wanting to be kept up to date on what was happening or people telling me in the lead up to the date 'oh you only have xxx days to go' because I knew that even though I knew when she was going to born, it wasn't going to make those last weeks or days of being heavily pregnant any easier.
However as the date got closer and the excitement grew it was hard to keep it to ourselves and we decided to share it with our close family and friends and this only added to our excitement :)
The end on my pregnancy was a real struggle and we had been keeping a secret that was hard not to let out.
Since April we had known the date our daughter would be born. After a lot of thinking and talking early on in the pregnancy I agreed to have an elective c-section.
I had always wanted to have a VBAC - Vaginal Birth After Caesarean. This was something I knew I was going to have to fight for but I was sure I would be able to do it.
However after lots of thinking and tears I can to the realisation that for me, my baby and to help increase my chances of successfully breastfeeding it was best to go for the elective c-section.
To say I was heartbroken was an understatement. To know that I would never feel a contraction, feel my waters break, feel that urge to push....well lets just say that there were a lot of tears for all these things I would be missing out on but I worked though it and focused on having a positive birthing experience.
It was hard keeping it a secret but we didn't want the pressure of people wanting to be kept up to date on what was happening or people telling me in the lead up to the date 'oh you only have xxx days to go' because I knew that even though I knew when she was going to born, it wasn't going to make those last weeks or days of being heavily pregnant any easier.
However as the date got closer and the excitement grew it was hard to keep it to ourselves and we decided to share it with our close family and friends and this only added to our excitement :)
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