It's been a while ;)

Well it's been a while since I updated this but there has been a good reason... we have been completely besotted with our new arrival. On June 16th 2011 our beautiful little princess, Millicent Lindsay ♥ entered the world



The end on my pregnancy was a real struggle and we had been keeping a secret that was hard not to let out.
Since April we had known the date our daughter would be born. After a lot of thinking and talking early on in the pregnancy I agreed to have an elective c-section.

I had always wanted to have a VBAC - Vaginal Birth After Caesarean. This was something I knew I was going to have to fight for but I was sure I would be able to do it.
However after lots of thinking and tears I can to the realisation that for me, my baby and to help increase my chances of successfully breastfeeding it was best to go for the elective c-section.
To say I was heartbroken was an understatement. To know that I would never feel a contraction, feel my waters break, feel that urge to push....well lets just say that there were a lot of tears for all these things I would be missing out on but I worked though it and focused on having a positive birthing experience.

It was hard keeping it a secret but we didn't want the pressure of people wanting to be kept up to date on what was happening or people telling me in the lead up to the date 'oh you only have xxx days to go' because I knew that even though I knew when she was going to born, it wasn't going to make those last weeks or days of being heavily pregnant any easier.

However as the date got closer and the excitement grew it was hard to keep it to ourselves and we decided to share it with our close family and friends and this only added to our excitement :)

An update :)

It feels like forever since I last blogged!

Things are going well, and by that I mean we are getting to the end finally! lol

Things haven't been easy, it's been a pretty rough pregnancy and I am in constant pain everyday :(

I used to think Jakson's pregnancy was tough, but it was easy compared to this one.

I'm still having morning sickness daily, back and sciatic pain, lots of needles everyday and than there is the carpal tunnel!

I never knew you could get carpal tunnel in pregnancy, but you can and it's nasty!
I have to wear a wrist brace on my right hand 27/7 and one on my left hand at night. Every night when I go to bed with them on, it feels like I have boxing gloves on. Both the splints have metal rod in them to help my wrist stay in the best position and relieve the pain and pressure on the nerve while I sleep.
Without these splints I don't know how I would cope, I wouldn't be able to do anything at all.
Thank goodness for some lovely girls who pointed out that the pain I was having sounded like carpal tunnel, otherwise I think I would have just kept putting up with it and not asked.

Now that we are getting on in the pregnancy (I'm 34 weeks now) I have weekly appointments at the hospital, but this can mean I am there 2 or 3 times a week sometimes with all the doctors/clinics I need to see!
It is very exhausting but you just have to get on with it.



I also have a bit of a confession.....I am 34 weeks pregnant and have a very active bubba but I am yet to really believe I am pregnant. Even hearing her heartbeat every week and seeing her on the scan every few weeks, I still struggle to put what I see and feel into context of that being a child, my child.
Sounds weird, doesn't it?

It's just so hard for me to comprehend that what I am feeling and seeing is actually a baby, a human being that is inside me!
It's such a surreal concept for me and I don't think it will sink in until I am actually holding her ♥

We have less than 6 weeks until her due date and still have so much to do.
It weird how 6 weeks can feel so short and so long at the same time.

A random thought.....

Due to some, well lets say complications and scares though this pregnancy, I have had a lot of hospital appointments, tests, scans etc...


I feel like I'm at the hospital every week, if not every second week. 



Although it's hard to organise appointments around work, being there to pick Jakson up from school and Johnny's work roster, I don't mind because each appointment is important to making sure our little bubba comes out safely. 


I have to say though the one thing that is stressful about the appointments is finding parking! It can be an absolute nightmare finding parking at the hospital, sometimes it can take 3 minutes or 30  minutes!


After a particularly stressful time finding parking last Tuesday I was feeling frustrated walking into the hospital however while in the elevator I had a sudden thought......this is the building where my daughter will be born, this is the elevator people will go in to come and visit us and meet her, this is the elevator we will go in when we bring her home ♥


It's little random thoughts like that, that really put a smile on my face

Needles, Needles and More Needles!

At the moment I am on 5 injections of insulin a day and by the time bubs is born I would have had over 600 self injections!!

It's a good thing I'm not scared of needles! lol


However there is a downside to all these needles, at the moment my tummy looks a pin cushion. Well a pin cushion covered in bruises.
As well as the marks and bruises it also hurts to touch, which means it can be very sore when Johnny or Jakson want to feel bubs moving.

I also have to prick my finger to take my blood glucose reading 5+ times a day and my finger tips have become very sore and sensitive.

But it's a very small price to pay to know that I am keeping both her and me healthy, so bring on the needles....because I'll have as many as needed to make sure we get our little princess out happy and healthy :)

A bit of a scare

I had one of my routine obstetrics appointments on Tuesday, well what I thought would be a routine appointment.

I went in and they did the normal things, ask me how I'm feeling, ask if I had any concerns or questions and than went to take my blood pressure. Well my blood pressure was pretty high and the midwife asked me if I had tested my urine for protein (apparently I'm supposed to test it every appointment, which no one had ever told/shown me) so I went and tested it and it came back with protein in it.

The midwives than went and got the doctor who asked me if I had noticed any swelling in my feet, hands.... I said I hadn't, so she checked my feet and yep, they were swollen (I haven't seen my feet in a few weeks so haven't noticed, lol) they also asked about the headache I had and how long I'd had it.

Well it seems that all these symptoms (fluid retention, protein in urine, high blood pressure and headache) are all signs of pre-eclampsia (PE).

Pre-eclampsia is a serious conditions that some pregnant women experience, it is when the blood flow to the placenta is reduced and the baby therefore doesn't get enough oxygen. 
It can also cause problems for the mum, including: kidney and liver failure, convulsions, clotting problems and can lead to death. 
It's a condition that doctors take very seriously. 


After being told that I have signs of pre eclampsia they asked if I was able to stay in for monitoring. I explained that at the moment there is no way I can stay as we had a family emergency happening and it just wasn't possible.
Being that bubs was still being active, the doctor decided to do some tests and if the test came back showing a problem, than I was to come back for monitoring than.
So I had a blood test and gave a urine sample to be sent off for further testing.

To say that I went home feeling scared and uneasy is an understatement.
One of  the most common treatment options for pre eclampsia is bed rest. But when you have a husband who is a shift worker and a child in school as well as work, best rest is pretty near impossible.

I spent the next day 48 hours wondering what was going on and feeling pretty scared that I might have PE and scared of how it was going to effect our baby and me.
So many things were going through my head, it's funny how when the doctor tells you to go home and rest and relax...it's the last thing you can actually do!

Thankfully I got a phone call today to say that the test results came back clear, however if I notice any more symptoms I'm to go in and get checked out straight away. The blood test also came back showing my hemoglobin is pretty low, so I am now back on iron tablets and hoping they will help so I can avoid iron injections.


While I'm feeling very relieved that the test came back clear, this was a scare that will not pass easily.

It's scary to think that a serious condition like pre eclampsia can be here with no obvious symptoms, no pain, no real visible signs......a very scary thought to know it can be lurking in the shadows without us knowing.

Pregnancy isn't easy......

...well not for me anyway.

I know some people glow during their pregnancy and love every bit of it, but me, well I don't glow...or at least I don't feel like I do.

It's hard to actually say out loud that I am struggling, I feel an incredible sense of guilt saying that I don't find it easy.

But the truth is that I don't find it easy, I still have horrible morning sickness, excruciating back pain to the point where I cannot walk sometimes, sever migraines which may result in me having to see a neurologist soon and I'm still trying to get my gestational diabetes under control.
On top of all of the physical things I am trying to work though some very deep emotional and psychological issues as we try to decide what kind of birth our daughter will have. 

We fought so hard to get our little princess, went through so much pain and heartache and I really just want to be able to enjoy being pregnant....even if only for a week or two.
From the moment I wake up until the moment I fall asleep, I am in pain :(


People say to me 'but you finally have want you wanted" and all I can think when they say it is that infertility doesn't make being pregnant easier. If anything it makes me feel like I can't talk about it to those around me, how could I possible complain about something I've wanted for so long??

Yes, I wouldn't change it for the world but that doesn't mean that it is any easier to deal with.

The pain I feel is very real, infertility or not, that pain is here and I can't see it letting up anytime soon.

The thing that gets me though is knowing that in a few months I am going to get to hold our beautiful daughter, and that moment will be worth any pain any at :)

Our little princess

So it's been just over a week since we found out we are going to be adding a little princess our family ♥


From the moment, and I literally mean the moment I found out I was pregnant I have had the most unbelievably strong feeling that bubs is a girl. 
I have never been so sure of a feeling in my life. I should add that this feeling wasn't because I wanted a girl, if you ask anyone who knows me they will tell you that I've always said I only ever wanted boys. 


There are some personal reasons as to why I haven't wanted a daughter, but to be honest I have just never seen myself as having a daughter, only sons. 


But the feeling of bubs being a girl from the start has been a very euphoric feeling, a feeling of just knowing it's right. 


The night before our ultrasound I couldn't sleep, I was so excited to know that I was finally going to have my feeling confirmed. It was like I was a little kid on Christmas Eve!


We had to wait a while once we were in the ultrasound until we found out. The songorapher had to take lots of measurements and all the routine things, but all I wanted to know was that bubs was healthy and a girl ;)

Being told that she is a girl just felt right, actually it felt more than right...it felt awesome! I could finally start calling her by gender rather than 'it' or just bubs :)




It's weird after 6 years of shopping for boys clothes to finally be looking at the pink section, but I think it's something I will get used to pretty quickly :)